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Khardine Musisi

The Power of a Tract

Jan

I was fifteen years old and pregnant when I first had a desire to attend a church. I didn’t go though, but every time I passed a church the desire was there because as you walk past the buildings, you hear the singing as you’re going past and I always felt a longing to go in. But I reasoned to myself, “I will only ever enter a church when someone invites me.” And I always thought that. Every time I walked past a church, I thought, “No, I’m fifteen; I’m pregnant. I’m not going to go in unless someone invites me.” That was my reasoning and that’s the way I thought.

When my first child was born, my partner and I got married and we moved into a flat together and I remember how I was always afraid now, afraid of everything. That was my life. I was afraid of being alone. I clung to him so much, it was terrible. When he went to work I wanted to go with him, and I did go with him once to work and actually sat in the car all day. His boss said, “Is she all right?” but that’s how I was gripped by fear.

So I was afraid of being alone; I was afraid of death. If anybody spoke of dying, I didn’t want to hear it; I didn’t want to hear anything about death. If there was a programme of a funeral I’d turn it off. I was terrified of death.

I was afraid about not knowing. Before you’re a Christian you wonder what’s out there, why we’re here and things like that. What am I doing here; what is the meaning of life? And I was afraid of having pets at that time, because I was afraid they might die. I had a fear of everything. I didn’t want to love. I didn’t even want to hug my son properly; I didn’t want to get close to anyone in case I lost them. Fear was my “buddy” and I was tormented by it. I lived in fear.

So within the next two years my second child was born and I decided to go to my aunt’s. She lived where we lived in Dalston about ten minutes from us. So I thought I’d go to see her. When I visited her we had a nice time together. Now her partner was a Christian and he had those Gospel “Chick” tracts, which tell a little story in a magazine form. So she gave me one and I thought, “All right, I’ll hold on to that.” And when I returned home, I read the tract – I sat in my bedroom and I read the tract. I was gripped by what I read: how God loves me; there’s somebody out there who cares; how Jesus died; how we were sinners; how lost we are without Jesus. And that little tract, it really got to me. So every night for that week, I sat in my room when my husband was out and the kids were down, and I read the ‘sinner’s prayer’ and I kept on reading it. For one week I read out the sinner’s prayer asking God for His forgiveness and Jesus into my heart. I’d still not attended church. I still had the reasoning, “I’ll go when I’m invited.” But God knows our hearts. He knows. After that week of confessing, my aunt visited me and guess what she said! She said, Kay, there’s a Gospel Church downstairs about two minutes from where you live. Would you like to go? And I said, “Yes, of course I’ll go. I’d love to go.” It was only downstairs, because we lived on the third floor, five minutes, downstairs and across the road and there was the church and the women praising the Lord. I heard the Gospel explained again and I made a confession again. As I began attending the church – it was called Bible Path – and hearing God’s Word being taught I felt a great desire for the Bible; I couldn’t get enough. I was like a starving person. My questions were being answered. I found that I no longer had that feeling of fear. That was definitely getting replaced by love. I was learning and He was filling me with His Word. Instead of all the old anxiety and fear, I felt love; I felt joy. I was there all the time, praising the Lord, excited.

When you think of the gloom and doom of fear and terror and not knowing, and then having this light shine, well after that I started going and feeling the changes, I told my entire family about Jesus. I went and visited aunts and uncles to ask whether they’d heard of this. Some of them were a bit doubtful, “Oh, you’ve become on of them have you?” “Yes!” I took bundles of tracts and I was giving them out as I was walking along, giving them to people at bus stops. I attended conferences and crusades. God has become very real to me. Each day is a blessing and I love having the Lord in my life. It’s wonderful. I’ve got someone I can talk to all the time. He’s always there. I don’t feel alone any more. I’m not afraid of death any more; I’ve got a home. Our citizenship is in heaven. He’s even saved my children. He’s not only touched my life. One by one they came to me. I think Irone came to me when he was about eleven and he said, “Mum, what’s that sinners’ prayer. I want to know that sinners’ prayer. Then I talked to him and he gave his heart to the Lord, and then Leah and then Daniel. God is in the business of saving and changing people’s lives.

I’ve been a Christian for fifteen years now and God has brought me through the good and the bad; He’s always there, hallelujah. God so loved us that He gave us Jesus. He made it very easy for us to come to Him to have eternal life – whosoever believes. That’s my testimony. Never underestimate the power of a tract.

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